THROUGH QUEER EYES AND SOFT GAZES




Deep down, I’ve always been aware of my queerness: an otherness about me, a deviation from the norm. We live in a world that’s shaped by societal expectations and heteronormative views: a world that constantly confronts and harms marginalised groups with this otherness. In Through Queer Eyes and Soft Gazes, I artistically explore the painful parts of growing up as a (queer) woman and how I try to free myself from these seemingly inescapable feelings. Captured through photography and poetry, I search for my body’s liberation in intimate moments and soft spaces.

In this work I explore the raw, ugly, and hard parts of growing up as a (queer) woman, as well as the beautiful magic that queerness and womanhood can bring.

How do you look at your body? And how did society influence this view?





“the (internalised) homophobia,
                  it still touches me every day.

though i have slowly accepted my own queerness, more and more -
   
         over the years, the feeling of discomfort still lingers.

it is hidden in small gestures and roaming in large spaces.
              it lingers through my body.

i still feel it in spaces, near people
where queerness is not yet fully accepted

i feel it when i watch the news,
i feel it in my veins
i feel it like i feel a bruise
that never really goes away.”



An important part of this project was to show the softness that is queer intimacy, and how this is a very important step in accepting your queerness and therefore yourself. For this part, my partner and I aimed to capture our most intimate and soft moments together through photographs & poetry.

This part of the project has therefore been a collaboration with my partner, Claire, who is a visual artist herself, too. For more of her beautiful work and contact, visit her instagram or website.









in your house
  in your arms

my body feels
              at home.

like
she is allowed to take up      space.
‘cause when you look at me,
you do it with the most feminine and queer    gaze
in the most loving and accepting way.
In the final installation I aimed to recreate a similar space as the one in which we share our most intimate moments, so that the viewer can look at the photographs in a similar space as where they were taken. 
© 2024 Pam van Manen, All Rights Reserved.